I have been thinking a lot lately about life. How short it is to be precise. You never know what will happen tomorrow. You can plan all you want but life throws twists and turns at you whenever you get the chance. I recently lost someone that I thought would be here forever. The youth director at my church died of a brain anurism earlier this week and after the initial shock and then the 3 straight hours of crying I started to think about how easy it is to take life for granted. You never know when it is going to end.

We were going on a trip to North Carolina with the youth in just 2 weeks... I had talked to her just the day before and she was perfectly fine. healthy as a horse. she was a power house, always taking care of us, pushing us to do better, going to school funtions. I never knew how much I took her for granted. I wish I could have just one more day to tell her I was accepted to Florida State. Just one more day to tell her how much I appreciated all that she did for me. Just one more day so she coupld know how much we all loved her. She never gave up on us. no matter how much we pushed she always pushed back... urging us to be better and succeed. I miss her a lot.

It hits me at the strangest times that she is really gone. When I'm driving around doing errons, grocery shopping, at work. It's like and avalanche that hits you all at once. This overwhelming feeling that its real. That she is really gone. And then I feel guilty because I already forgot about her. Even if it was only for a few hours. even moments.

She made such a huge impact on my life and it took her death to make me realize it. It's not fair.

When I think about how much it effected me I cant help but feel for her kids. I grew up with them. Even though I'm sure she drove them crazy you could see how much they loved her. and she them. Everything she did was for them. I cant even imagine what they are feeling right now.

I almost fear tomorrow when i see them at the funeral. I dont know what to say. What can you say? Nothing will bring her back. Nothing will make the pain go away.

Life isn't fair. Death is even less. All you can do is keep on living and hope that you will make it through the hard times so you can get to the good times. At least thats how I see it.